Tragically Unhip?

Yesterday, I discovered that I am tragically unhip.

I realized this as I was perusing music and I discovered a band called The Smiths. Now, I have heard of them throughout the years, but I never pursued listening to them. And of course, once I listened to a song, I was hooked.

So yeah, I was only about 20 years behind the times, as The Smiths are a band that was popular in the 80s. One of the first alternative post punk bands out of Manchester, England.

Aside from that, I have discovered, that for most of my life, I have felt like I am living in the wrong time. I am merely an observer to my modern life. My soul belongs in another era. What era depends on where I am in my life. These days, I feel like I am lurking somewhere in Europe during the first part of the 20th century.

Let me explain: it all started when I began reading the Little House books in 2nd grade. I devoured those books, beginning with Little House in the Big Woods, all the way through The First Four Years. After I read those, I began to imagine that I lived in the mid 19th century. I was a pioneer person. I used to imagine that I was the eldest sister in a large family, and that my parents were often absent or busy. I had to take care of my younger siblings. I had a running narrative in my head of this story. While I was at school, the story was sidelined, but at home, I definitely lived my historical narrative. This period lasted until about 5th grade, culminating in my dressing as Laura Ingalls Wilder for Halloween. Around this time, I began to discover other historical fiction works, namely the Anne of Green Gables books. My time period shifted to the late 19th century. I imagined myself as a playmate of Anne's and I live in her world. Again, the actual world I lived in was immaterial. I was always a quiet kid, and I spent most of my recesses reading. I had few friends, but it never bothered me. I had enough to be satisfied, while still maintaining my parallel historical existence.

By 7th grade, I discovered the Beatles, and my time period shifted rather drastically to 1960s England. I became obsessed with the Beatles and with 60s music. I only listened to the Oldies station (having not yet discovered Classic Rock) I devoured every Beatles book I could find. I imagined myself an "Apple Scruff" (or, a Beatles groupie-and no, I didn't know what groupie meant.) I developed my first real crush-on George Harrison. I collected images of the Beatles. I felt like a total anachronism, as none of my friends seemed to understand my obsession. I eschewed the popular music of the time, which was mostly Green Day and early alt rock. I had my Beatles.

My Beatles obsession lasted quite a while-until my junior year of high school. Along with the Beatles, my reading tastes veered towards Agatha Christie novels. Some of them took place in the 60s, others took place during the first part of the 20th century. I loved them all, and developed a real obsession with British culture.

I discovered Led Zeppelin when I was 16. My world was once again shifted, this time to the late 60s/early 70s. Now, along with the Beatles, I had Led Zeppelin albums to collect. This phase lasted until probably my sophomore year of college.

Then I briefly discovered some new music. But that phase quickly passed.

Now, I believe my music tastes lie somewhere in the early 80s, as I mentioned earlier.
I'm not sure if it will shift again. It probably will. To some other time period other than the one in which we currently reside.

I have always felt a strong connection to the past. My obsession with history goes back even further than the Little House Books-I believe it started with my grandfather, who was the single most important person in my life. He died when I was 8, but I always loved hearing stories about his youth, about the Depression, about the War. I am lucky that I had a grandfather who lived through all of this and was able to tell me about it. Most people my age have younger grandparents than mine. I am almost a whole generation removed from most of my peers, as my mom was one of the first baby boomers-literally, she was born in 1946.

My mom is the other major influence on my life. She is, of course, my best friend, and my favorite person in the world. And sometimes I think that she and I should have switched places in time! She lived through it all-growing up in the 50s, going to college in the 60s, the liberal 70s, studying in Spain, traveling through Europe, meeting my dad by chance in a park....she has had so many amazing experiences-and that was all well before I was born!

I can't forget my dad though. He grew up in a foreign country, under a fascist dictatorship. How many people can say that about their dads??

My life has been full of an appreciation of the past. I am sure this contributes to my sense of feeling out of place in time. I don't think I'll ever fit in completely.
And I don't think I want to.
So, I will forever be tragically unhip. Listening to music that either a) people no longer listen to or b)very few people have heard of.
Watching movies that are a) really old or b) really odd and 'cult' favorites
Talking about events that happened long ago.
Reading obscure novels, many in translation. For example, Louis Aragon's Paris Peasant.

I don't mean to say that I am unhappy with my existence. I just feel like there are so many layers to life beyond the every day, the mundane.
I guess you could say I enjoy living in the past!